WHY DO KIDS AND PETS LOVE ME?

I was at a couple friends of mine last night. A couple, early 30's. Him an x model...Her as well....They came to Vegas to make a new go of it (Hardly the place to make A FRESH START...but each to their own) She ran away for 7 months to her Long Island home last year (with her tot in toe). Apparantly hanging out at a Playboy Mansion, or so she says. Bertha wasnt aware there was a Playboy Mansion in Long Island...but oh well...Her Man stayed in LA doing fitting modeling (whatever that is!!).

Anyway, I told her she could make a fortune as a hostess at the right functions here in Vegas...(Her face was touched by god...unlike mine!) So anyway, she came here and he followed and so their Vegas Life Began.

Last night we met for dinner. He wanted Pizza, but Teresa and I did not...She is 32 and lets face it, after 30 Pizza is a big once in a while splurge...unless you want to get fat and as a model/hostess, she does not! So we went to a rank Chinese Restaurant below their somewhat sad apartment.

They brought their adorable 17 month old daughter along and here is where my story begins. The kid could not take her eyes off me! Smiled and screamed, reached out to me...Even tryed to nurse on my tit through my shirt! (THAT WAS NO SURPRISE TO BERTHA). My friends were "shocked" and insisted that their kid "doesn't like anybody"....But Bertha wasnt surprised. I dont know why....But kids and animals love me. When Im on planes or in waiting rooms...the kids just stare and laugh and try to get to me...with their parents leering in shock....and the reality is that I am one of the least maternal people you could hope to meet! So I dont know what God is trying to tell me.

Same with dogs and cats, they run to me like I am Noah himself....and once again An Animal lover I am not.

So as I held their daughter and she fell asleep in my arms...I thought about one thing.....Maybe the fact that I recieved such little love when I was young is somehow visible to these kids? Maybe they want to fill that void.....Or maybe Im just bullshitting myself....But for some goddamn reason....Kids and Dogs love me.